Sunday, February 17, 2013

Can a woman do what a man does and still remain a "Lady?" (Article revised from 2005)

I was listening to an old school RnB song recently when I heard the statement, "A Woman can't do what a man does and still remain a lady." I thought this was a very profound statement coming from the female singer of the song. I am assuming that the artist in this song was referring to ceratin behaviors in the game of dating. Currently, we are living in the days of the empowered and independent woman. I happen to think that both of these accomplishments are great. I think that it is pretty cool that many of today’s women or shall I say, "Sistas” are doing it for themselves. As a modern man, I can appreciate today's female's earning potential. You see. This means that as an independent woman who may think she does not need a man because of the amount of money she makes or the socio-political strides she is making these days, I don't have to pick up the check at dinner. LOL!! Just playing, ladies. Well.....maybe not.

The race is still on for equality, which I think is cool too. However, I just want women of today to be prepared for the various outcomes and/or consequences once they sign up for a particular race against men. I will just skip the formalities and get straight to the point. Today’s women seemingly from age 18 to 50 are still attempting to compete with men in the bedroom. Meaning, women don't want to accept the double standard as it relates to sex. The societal perception these days is that a man can sleep with as many women as he likes in his lifetime and still end up with a decent, wholesome woman that loves him and respects him as a man on his wedding day. However, and sadly, if a woman is known to have slept with 5 men in five months, she is viewed as a tramp, easy, a slut, and even a whore. Now, I know this sucks, but it is the reality.

I am of the opinion that no real and self respecting man would “seriously date” and even marry a woman that it is known to have been ridden more times than a horse at a rodeo. According to some in society a woman that has been labeled “looser” than teeth in a five year old child’s mouth has less of a chance of finding a decent and wholesome man to seriously date her and even marry her. Many believe that this labeled woman would more than likely have to move out of her present city in order to get a fresh start at being looked at as a decent woman by unsuspecting men in her new city or new state of residence. However, on the side of the double standard coin, a man that has being labeled a gigolo or even a man ”hoe” can remain in his home city of residence and home state and still find, date and marry a decent woman. I would go so far as to say that a man can have multiple children and still end up with a good woman. However, this is behavior is changing somewhat, but there are still quite a few women out here who are not only with men who have multiple baby mothers, but they are helping him pay to off the child support he was court ordered to pay before they even met. However, woman with two or more children out of wedlock is considered to be “lucky” to find any man that would look past the "evidence" of her trifling ways. These are not my words. LOL! I am just repeating some public opinions.  :)
Many people believe that a woman's stock drops after every child she has had out of wedlock. So, it would be in her best interest to stop at one child if she seriously has plans on nabbing Mr. Right some day. Some single women with more than one child usually end up with a lot of Mr. Right nows and more children. Some believe that there aren’t too many men out here that will take these women seriously. However, it has been reported that the sex with these particular women is off the chain!! Unfortunately, single mothers with multiple children are usually prime candidates for some men’s sexual release and enjoyment and that’s all. Strangely, a man with more than one woman or child is looked at by a lot of women today as the man to snag. I believe that some women see him as having something special in his pants that they must discover and even attempt to conquer. It is sick, but it is a reality for so many women out here. Man, double standards can be tiresome. I try not to feed into them. However, I do personally believe that some double standards when it comes to men and women are double standards for a good reason. I think that when it comes to a women being a lady, she should set the standard and not accept the stereotypes that are often placed on them. I think when it comes to a male being a man, he should set the standard and not follow pink and metro-sexual trends and fads.

Finally, I want to say that equality in economics, politics, beliefs, marriages, parenthood, etc should be shared by everyone. Equality usually means a little extra work and responsibility that must be adhered to be the person who or group who is fighting for such equality. Meaning, if there is a female who chooses to “publicly” ignore the double standard in the game of sexuality, just be prepared for the whispers and even some finger pointing. Hey, it just comes with the ultimate prize. Also, guys if you want to be equal in parenting in a marriage and even want to be viewed more favorably when it comes to child custody cases as a viable and very capable single parent, you will have to do what “responsible” and “organized” single mothers do every damn day, which is make various sacrifices for the welfare of the child.

One can easily say, “Let’s put an end to double standards right now!” But where would you start?

Sunday, February 10, 2013

"The Debate About Gun Ownership/GunControl is a Diversion to Reality"

Ever since the massacre occurred in the white suburb of Newtown, Connect at Sandy Hook Elementary School, the country has gotten all up in arms (no pun intended) about gun violence and gun control. When all of this was going on I kind of just stood back and took in all of the arguments, debates and emotional acting out that was brought on not only by shooting but also by the very thought of there being a governmental attack on some people’s right to bare arms. The conversation about stricter gun laws (which is the diversion) has people choosing sides and holding protests against the government all over the country. I, for one, do not see what the fuss is all about. Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Also, creating tougher gun laws will not stop people from using guns to kill people. The best example of this would be Columbine, Virginia Tech, Colorado, and now Connecticut. However, I guess because the folks who make up these states that have killed so many of their own kind and at one time has created this mad dash to action in order to get something done to make sure that shooting incidents of this “kind” won’t ever happen again in these “special” places in America.

However, on the other hand, gun violence has been a “normal” occurrence in the inner and urban cities across America (the real issue) where a lot of Blacks and Hispanics happen to live and I have yet to witness a mad dash call to action to bring an end to gun violence these areas. Moreover, these shootings were rarely given any press in the media because the assumption about Black life in America is the same as it was when Africans were kidnapped and brought to America in 1555 for the purpose to chattel slavery and to build this country into the economic powerhouse that is today. What’s really sad about this attitude is that too many Black people today have even taken on the same cognitive dissonance attitude as the majority population in regards to the “goings on” of the inner city. The lives lost in the inner city are not that important to mainstream America except for when it needs some “urban” talents to steal and exploit in the entertainment business. Should there ever be any so-called new gun laws, the people who have actually gone through the process of properly registering all of their guns and who have gone through process of educating themselves on gun safety, these supposed new laws will not affect you. However, just like the Republican led war on drugs in the 1980s and 1990’s, these supposed new gun laws will mainly affect the people living in the inner-cities of America. People, its crime and punishment 101, American style.

The jails will be filled with the young urban violators of these supposed new gun control and/or ban on assault weapons laws. The guns that get into the inner-city which are ultimately used to continue the raging gun violence probably comes from legitimate gun owners. I just find it to be so amazing how so many people are so able to just be led like sheep. I mean, where is the analytical thinking? Where is critical thought? The NRA is not going allow this government to just manhandle the millions of legitimate gun owners and gun enthusiasts in this country. The NRA is a big lobbying entity on capital and it has a lot of politicians (Reps. & Dems) on its political payroll. The protests and the mad dashes should be to a solution to end the self-hatred that permeates the “hoods” of America. The young Black male is about experience a wave of attacks from local and federal policing agencies that he has not really experience since the war on drugs in this country was in full swing.

So, church leaders, community leaders, non-profits, and most importantly PARENTS of these young men in the city you all better take notice. It’s coming. If you don’t want your son killed or sentenced for 10 years for a carrying a concealed bee-bee gun, you need to get on your jobs and work your asses off to make sure that this message reaches your angry son’s brains. Therapists, social workers, counselors need to be on stand by for a possible over flow of young men finally coming into your office or agency for counseling. As a social worker and mental health professional, I have dedicated years on the preventive end to prevent young men and women from “acting out” their aggression in society. All this does is set them up to be exploited and hidden away in the criminal justice system. Step away from this senseless debate on gun control and step up to the task of physically rescuing our children from random acts of violence.

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Has Nigger Become the New Black?

I am asking this question because sometimes I feel like I am one of the only few Blacks in existence today who believe and understand that Nigger is a racist word that was thrown on my people out of pure hatred of us being Black and human by the white race. I don’t give a damn who is president. I don’t give a damn about how so many Blacks today are interracially dating, marrying and having bi-racial children with whites. I don’t give a damn about how so many Blacks today are inter-ethnically dating, marrying, and have bi-ethnic children with Hispanics, Latinos, and Asians. I could not care less about any of the dating habits of our people today because for the most part we don’t know any better. Anyway, I was at a hip-hop concert a couple of weekends ago supporting a younger cousin who happens to be a hip-hop artist. He is actually pretty good. His rapping partner is pretty good as well. I use the word hip-hop because there is a difference between rap and hip-hop.

At this concert, the crowd was racially and ethnically diverse. However, the whites in attendance did outnumber the other various racial and ethnic groups in attendance. Even one of the hip-hop acts that came on before my cousin was diverse in its group's make up. I will say this. The white kid who rapped in this mainly black rap group really lyrically outshined the Black dudes. I guess after you have exhausted all of the curse words and the word Nigger in your lyrics nothing else comes to mind. However, this was not the case for the white kid in the group. He ran lyrical circles around his fellow group mates. What was so interesting about this gathering of hip-hop lovers of all races and ethnicities, was the ever so freely usage of the word Nigger. I mean the Black rap guys on stage as I mentioned used the word Nigger as the main part of their act.

The audience screamed Nigger whenever the guys on stage screamed Nigger. However, I never heard anybody on stage or in the audience scream out the words Kyke, Wetback, Spic, Slant-eye, Gook, Charlie, Faggot, Cracker, White devil, Sodomite, WOP, DEGO, Dyke, Fence Jumper, River Swimmer, or anything else that remotely resembled that of a racial slur towards any other racial and ethnic group in attendance at that concert. I was simply amazed by the fact that most of the young adults tossing around the word Nigger were the whites and the bi-racial young adults. So, is this a part of the new underground Hip-Hop movement where whites and bi-racial kids have set the tone of the movement? Has the Black community become so tolerant of this word Nigger that whites in general feel as if the word has lost its meaning, but at the same time are very careful not to insult White Jews and any other ethnic groups with the use of the racial slurs that have been attached historically to their respected groups out of hate? Do bi-racial kids who hang out mostly with whites honestly believe that they are not Black and that the word Nigger can’t be attached them because of many of their skin tones and hair textures? Or, do you all think that so many bi-racial kids have an inner complex based on the natural confusion about who they are and so they are using the word Nigger to try to fit into some group and be accepted? I am asking these questions because that’s what I do as one who has an analytical mind. Also, I am asking because I was wondering why so many bi-racial blacks that night felt so comfortable just spewing the word Nigger all over the venue that night. The black young adults were saying it too, but they were drowned out by the whites and bi-racials in the venue.

I know many of you reading this are probably wondering why I would spend an entire article on the use of the word Nigger when “there are so many other far important issues that need addressing.” Well, I think this is an important issue. As long as the word Nigger is being used, all other so-called important issues cannot be addressed. You see. If you can’t demand that you get referred by a respectable adjective, who in the hell is going to listen to you when it comes to those so-called “other important issues.” The main reason Jews, gays, and, Asians, and Hispanics garner so much respect in this country is because they don’t allow you or their own children to disrespect their race/ethnicity. Black people are not like this. Our children use the word Nigger because we as adults don’t demand that they don’t use the word. Our Black children use the word Nigger so freely because we as adults just won’t slap the shit out of em’ for giving life to such a racist and hate-filled word. Those whites and bi-racial young adults felt the freedom to use the word Nigger because their Black friends in attendance don’t have enough self respect, knowledge of self and love of their own race of people to demand that the word Nigger not be used in their presence. Hey, so much for racial progress, huh?

In closing, I want to share an episode or better yet, a teaching moment that occurred backstage at the concert after the show was over. I was sitting with my cousin and his brother and just chillen and soaking up the scene. One of the producers of my cousin’s music who happened to be black (well he looks Black) came back stage with his check book in his hand and yelled, “Hey, any Nigga in here got a ink pen?” “Any Nigga got a ink pen?” The room responded in a low tone, “Naw. Naw. I ain’t got no pen.” I had a pen in my back pocket. When they were done responding to his asinine question, I pulled out my ink pen and said, “Hey Brotha. Since a Nigga in the room does not have a pen would you accept one from a Brotha?” He paused. The entire room paused. He responded, “Oh yeah. Thanks, Brotha. I dig tha fro too.”

Any questions?